Random Crap

Bag of Crap LVI: Anybody can have a rally these days.

Beck. Colbert. Stewart. Why not Woot?

Seems like the rally business is the best racket to be in these days, so we’re jumping in. You are hereby invited to the first annual Restoring Woot Rally, to be held at Seattle Center! While some rally hosts might try to bore you with their pontifications on freedom or attempt to scare the bejeezus out of you with threats of economic collapse and rambling theories about socialism that don’t really sound threatening to today’s youth, we’re just going to have fun.

We’ll be shooting Woot monkeys into the crowd, giving away Bags of Crap just like this one, and making Shirt.Woot shirts right on the spot! There might even be hot dogs and a clown. You’ll get to meet fellow Wooters, then awkwardly avoid them for the duration of the event as you realize what weirdos they are.

Obviously a rally of this magnitude will take some time to build. There are hotel reservations to consider, permits to acquire, palms to grease, etc. So let’s all meet up in, say, an hour and a half.

See you there!

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v3.0
I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond ONE bag of some kind and THREE crappy items.
II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.
III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.
IV. Thou shalt not expect better crap just because things are different this time. Crap is crap.
V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.